Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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