If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
