I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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