So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize