im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
