I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
