How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
