Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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