Apparently you make a good broom.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
