I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
