I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize