he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
