I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish I only lived at night.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sext me about skeletons
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
