Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Still dying that you shit outside
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
how drunk are you?
Several
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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