Already got asked if we're dating
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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