I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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