What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
