do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
