3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she was so not down for the gang bang
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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