dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
