fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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