I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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