no, he came in my armpit
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
