did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
