you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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