Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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