I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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