Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
