I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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