New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
