Michael Bay diarrhea
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
