At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
