I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize