U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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