I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
