I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
