so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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