One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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