So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Randomize
