My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
