goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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