There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
