I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
