Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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