Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
