yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
