I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
