highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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