Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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