my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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