Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
