Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
