you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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