shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
