i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
