I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
