How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
