He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
