Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
