Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The air was thick with penises
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
