and you said cock pushups were impossible
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
