Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
