it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
