Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
