In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is Oprah even human
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
