A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish I only lived at night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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