First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She's the barista slut.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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