we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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