We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
