My friends, they love my intelligence
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
