Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
