He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
