I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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