no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you made out with another girl for some wings
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
