I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
