What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
