I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
