The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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