Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize