I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
