I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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