her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
