i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
