Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
